Hair Fall

You never really know how much hair is on your head until you're staring at a garbage can full of discarded strands.

I just remember thinking to myself 'how can there be this much hair' as every day my paddle brush filled up to the brim.

And then 2 more handfuls fell out in the shower.

And then another handful fell out throughout the day.

In hindsight, I probably should have saved it all for a wig....

During the second week of my hair loss misadventures, as I watched my garbage can slowly but surely fill up with my locks, shear panic set it.  There was no sign of this slowing down and it was getting harder and harder to disguise what was happening.  I spent hours doing online research, reading hair loss message boards and emailing work colleagues looking for an answer.  Deep down I think I knew from the start what I was dealing with but I did everything in my power to try and prove to myself that I was wrong.

'Chances of having alopecia are slightly greater if you have a relative with the disease'

Nope.  Don't have that..

'Typical first signs of alopecia are small, round bald patches'

Nope.  Don't have that.  I mean sure there are balding spots-ish but this is more like a mass thinning so it doesn't really fit their description.

'Most common in children'

'Area of hair loss may tingle or be painful'

'Nails can be affected having pitting, white spots or lines.'

No.  No. No.  These don't fit.  It has to be something else..

It was around this time that my mom and I went for my consultation at the specialty hair salon to look into possible hair extensions.  I had seen the testimonials they had online and I was ready for them to work their magic on me.

Cue the sympathetic eyes and the 'I'm sorry but we can't do anything for you' and my waterworks started all over again.

You see, when your hair is still actively falling out, there's nothing they can secure the extensions to.  Of course I knew this before I went to the appointment but I just kept saying to myself 'if it would just stop falling out...'

In fact very morning as I pulled another clump of hair out of my brush I would look up to the sky and say,

'I get it.  I'm not taking care of myself.  I'll try harder but please just make it stop'

And then I'd give the hair in my hand a stern look and say,

'STOP IT'

Then I'd look at myself in the mirror, slam my hands on top of my head, use my best impression of a mom voice and angrily say,

'JUST STOP FALLING OUT'

Clearly my body needs to work on its listening skills.

The only thing the salon could offer me at that time was a bottle of dust in fiber type things that made an attempt at covering my increasingly visible scalp.  $50 and 1 use later the bottle is now shoved somewhere in my bathroom cupboard so if anyone wants to give it a try, let me know.  (I should add that they do work very well for small spots with thinning hair.  They just don't work all that great when you're trying to cover up your whole head.)

At this point in time I was getting really sick of watching my hair fall out every morning and being so distraught over it.  I started to think that I would be better off shaving the rest off and wearing a wig.  I was still convinced that a dermatologist was going to be able to diagnose me by looking at my pattern of hair loss so I didn't just want to shave my head all willy nilly.  Since my appointment with the dermatologist wasn't for another month, I made an appointment with my GP.

'Oh' he said as I sat down in his office and removed the hat from my head.

Ya, oh.

Oh...I've lost another 50% of my hair this week.

Oh...I still don't know why this is happening or how to stop it.

Oh...this friggin sucks.

Oh.

Then, for the first time, he used the 'A' word, as in 'I think you have alopecia'. 

Friggin great.

Next week: wiggin out at the wig shop and temporary piece of mind from a dermatologist